In the book ‘the compound effect’ a professor asked the class what is the responsibility split of a healthy relationship.

The obvious answer seems to be 50/50, equal responsibility so you both give as much as one another. Someone else yelled 51/49, arguing you need to be more willing than the other, as relationships are supposed to be built on self sacrifice.

The professor turned to the board and wrote down 100/0. “You have to be willing to give 100% with zero expectations of receiving anything in return”.

“Only when you are willing to take 100% responsibility for making the relationship work, will it work. Otherwise, the relationship is left to chance and is vulnerable to disaster.”

Before reading further, I sat and tried to examine what he meant. I began to think that, if I take 100% responsibility for all areas of my life, no matter what, completely owning every experience I’ve ever had and will have, I have control over my own life.

If it’s all my responsibility, including the outcomes, then everything that happens is down to me.

You have to realise you are in control.

You see it’s actually quite rare that people take responsibility for all their actions.

As time goes on, I notice more blaming, excuses and being the victim.

Was I late because of bad traffic or was I not ready on time?

Was a deadline at school missed because you were working all weekend, or because you left everything to the last minute?

Your assignment partner didn’t do their half? Maybe you should’ve kept updated and held them accountable.

The amount of excuses and blaming I heard at college is unbelievable, and the funny thing is people genuinely believed their excuses were valid.

I used to resell shoes, and I sold someone a coat who couldn’t afford it as he needed fuel money.

My first thought was, you should not be buying this off me if you are not comfortable for money, but if I get paid it’s none of my business.

We arranged £50 a month for 3 months. And excuse after excuse about a mum’s birthday present, paying off a fine for a yellow card you name it, it took about 8 months but I got my money eventually.

You see, in that moment most people would be angry at him, especially if you needed the money to continue reselling.

But, was it my fault i allowed it to happen.

Ultimately, everything you do, can be reflected back into your own hands, your own responsibility, and if you can accept that then you are going to live a more controlled happier life.

You alone, have to become responsible for everything involved in your life. If you leave everything up to you, nothing else matters.

No matter what people try to do, no matter what external factors may be going on, you are still always in 100% control over your own life.

At the end of the day, the only thing that actually changes it, is you.

What does playing the victim actually bring you? A bit of sympathy maybe, but at the end of the day, who cares about sympathy if the outcome of your life doesn’t change.

Playing the victim card is the worst excuse for not accepting responsibility, where does that mindset get you?

Nowhere.

Ultimately, responsibility allows you to control you life, leaving no matter outside of your hands.

If you leave a decision important to you in somebody else’s hands, they have the power.

Even a teacher grading your essay, you may think that’s out of your hand, that they can mark it however they wish, but if you take responsibility for the grade being a reflection of how well you wrote it, you can write it so well that they basically have no other choice but to give you a good grade.

If you accept that everything is the responsibility of your own doing, you will start to make the right decisions.

Just as I chose the wrong customer, you have the responsibility of choosing how things play out.

I chose to be pressured by my boss into working overtime I did not want, because it was my responsibility to set my boundaries that I did not.

Be careful with what you say yes to, no to, and which pill you choose in every situation.

Remember if you are in control, the outcome is no one’s fault but your own.

Take Responsibility.

Now, many people fail to take responsibilty for their actions.

Many people will not be reading this guide right now.

But you are.

You have taken action, learnt about the importance of responsibility and now i’m going to tell you the most valuable element yet.

Ok, i want you think of what you want right now.

Not some food or a girlfriend,

I want you to think deep.

i want you to think of your goal,

Your Purpose,

Your mission.

Ok, so this thing you have just thought of, maybe it’s to become rich or get in shape.

The only way you will reach this goal is by taking responsibility and achieving it.

Stop wasting you life dreaming about your goals, go grab them.

This is the beauty of responsibility, your outcome isn’t decided by chance,

It’s directly reflected in your actions.

You are in control.

Do it when you’re motivated, doit when you’re not.

You know yo want this goal you just thought about it yourself.

So go get it.